speechlessness.

November 24, 2008

i just got back from one of the greatest things i ever did in my life.
i cant even really fathom how nature can still retain some of its utmost beauty with all the things we add to it today.

and you know what the funniest part is to it all? i just want to fall asleep to full house or the cosby show right now.

ill clue you into what went down tonight tomorrow. time for sleep now.

andrew bird.

November 22, 2008

last post of the day. promise, its worth it.

ps. i was right there a few weeks ago. in montmarte looking into that garden. 🙂

OH and.

November 22, 2008

for christmas,

i want a thin gold nose ring.

find me one.

three weeks to go

November 22, 2008

and ive just realized that im certainly not ready to return. just now. for certain. for cereal. fuck man. so, before this weekend i knew there were things to do that i have yet to and that i really want to. and that theres more here for me than whats on the surface, what appears to be the options. i went to sacchi with blake this weekend and that started it all.

blake came to visit and we had a wonderful few days. he made me realize that theres all that to explore. you just have to have the motivation and go for it. it made me wish i found a school on my own to study at here, rather than just accepted the handed plate of palazzo ruccelai. i mean, i love my classes and teachers. but, alas, i wish art wise, that i was being more challenged. i want my art side of me to be challenged. its such a bummer, i know theres so much to learn and that i have a lot ahead of me if i want to do something with art or design in my life. i wish i had studied at a more art prevelant school. at roger dodger, it seemed as though in all my art classes i was at the upper half of the class, so i was never faced with challenge that much. i think i took that for granted. for granted? for granite? i never know. i wish i was more critizied.

blake and i talked abt going to grad school for sculpture. its an idea. i dont know at this point. i want to at least dabble first.

but we spent some of our time here working on a project he had in mind, based off the controversy that a lot of present day known contemporary artists who get the credit just come up with teh idea and have people who work for them create it. the artist does not even have a hand in creating his own work. yet he signs for it. it takes the romantic ideals of the struggling artist working with his hand and making what money he can off the piece completely false. these artists are not only not doing the creating of the projects but, they make enough money to live well and afford to pay for these craftsmen to work for them. its completely devoid of the romantic definition of who and what makes up an artist.

this american sculptor, jeff koons, is a big example. he takes credit for his work, yet other people create it for him once he has the idea. he took a postcard, of two people, both holding four puppies, and had someone sculpt it. took the credit. he didnt even credit the creator of the postcard which he copied it from. the case went to court and jeff koons didnt win, bc when he told the sculptor to sculpt it, he said to copy it exactly. something like this.

so, what blake did was make a drip drawing, using the blood from his finger, and we went and talked with a few street artists to see if they would make a copy of the drawing as how they saw it. and then wed bring their drawing to another, have them make a copy of that. but they all would sign it. credit would be given. and we got to see how far away from the artists hand it could progress. it was really interesting. blake also typed up a questionaire for the artists to answer abt the role of an artist in society, purpose, place and whatnot. it was really interesting meeting these guys and hearing what they had to say abt art. i was the official photographer/ helped blake out with a few italian words. it was good to be using my italian. it was good overall.

when blake studied here two years ago, he mainly was focused on creating his art. its amazing to see someone so driven and so motivated. its really inspiring. i need to get on it. i love making art. so why dont i more often? goddamn. im going to end up working in a coffee shop or something. hah, thats what a past teacher always told the class if we wanted to make art, yet never went that extra step. man.

and this is why i think im not ready to return to boston. i dont want to be stagnant. i want to be persuing. also, i feel like, my individuality is at peak here. which im scared is going to be lacking upon reliving with my mother in the first time in a while. we shall see.

which brings me to another point! which blake allowed me to see. i loved him being here. it was so refreshing. but i was thinking a lot abt how people tend to ammend themselves, their priorities or whatnot depending on who they are associating or surrounding theirselves with. and i really enjoy being alone due to this. christina has mentioned before abt how shes not comfortable with who she is enough sometimes to always be the crazy silly awesome girl who thinks so intensely sometimes about things. sometimes she hides that. she hides that personality bc of who shes around. no one should ever compromise who they are to appease someone else. if thats who they truly are. i dont think so at least. i hope i stick to my gut priorities and haha inner self as corny as that fucking sounds, once i return. i hope i dont let the man get me down. haha

i want to go shopping. but i dont have the funds to just do that. shitty.

i do need to go grocery shopping. and buy paint. and work on stuff for school. dont even get me started on the institute of roger williams university. youll hear my yelling via the screen. update on that when i have more information.

i want to develop all my film. now!

people

November 15, 2008

post videos on youtube of breastfeeding toddlers.

i should post more pictures [of my travels].

meanwhile, its complete shit in the congo; take a look:

http://humanrightswatch.org/english/docs/2008/11/12/congo20193.htm

fucked up people theyve created in this here world. and by theyve i think i mean, the leaders, the media, the concept of western civilization in general.

update

November 13, 2008

i dont own enough long sleeve shirts.

i wish i owned a jacket nicer than the babypoop green one that i brought with the intentions of just in case.  like the one i owned, that i bought in bologna, that was stolen two weeks later in galway.  fuckers.

the heat is on a timer here. i feel like im never here when the timer is on. so i stole my roomates space heater. it feels pretty great right abt now in my small single room.

i hung out with a guy named giotto for some time. but now i have my necklace back and he is no more. and thats probably better for all cases. not an italian for the record.

i really feel very unacademic as of recent. i need to not be in school.  i cant do it. not now. dont even get me started on whats going to happen when next semester comes. its all up in the air now.

solitaire is my newest addiction. it is never not open on my computer. if its not open to the screen its at least tabbed and waiting and calling my name to reopen it. the score to beat is 111 seconds. i dont care if you beat it. its a solo thing. pretty relevant to my life status and life style right now. thats not negative though. although i need to kick the addiction. its out of control.

i have 4 weeks left come sunday. thats fucking weird. really fucking weird. going homes going to be a strange transition. i think the first week ill sleep a lot. not eat a lot. and just have hang outs. we’ll see. christmas will be around the corner. holidays are always strange feeling. somewhat foreign. but seeing the family [should] be good.

traveling was wonderful. maybe sometime ill load some of my journal pages into this journal. i have pages on pages over this one.

this space heater is going to make me not want to leave this room for class. damn.

i wish i had more money for travels. or just in general. i would buy lots of gifts. and maybe a few things for me. life would be full of materialistic happiness and satisfaction. and thats what everyone wants and needs isnt it?

oh, and for a point of entertainment, for halloween, i went as a drunken zombie.

fyi: the statues arent alive in there. just the real thing. the originals. from which the exterior statues are copies of. however the buildings not accessible and theyre just hanging out inside of there with no one to view them. funny thing is, a lot of books of traveling and tourism with florence, say to go there bc its listed as a museum.. too bad its not accessible. and those poor statues are all alone with no body to lookat them. thats what i was trying to get across.

that’s all for now. i have mixed feelings upon returning. theres things i cannot wait for and things that i rather not go back to at all. so its bittersweet. almost like coming here. but at least now, im knowledged in whats where. and what might be better for me now. at least i know that. ill update sooner. i just cant write right now.

my friend blake is going to visit next week and i feel like that will remind me of home a lot. i look forward to him coming.